Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
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I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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