Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
