some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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