dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
