Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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