Your face is a jimmy john
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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