It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
