I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
