I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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