u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
