I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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