just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
