my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
