We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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