i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
