I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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