I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sext me about skeletons
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
