just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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