the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
try to milk me bitch
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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