I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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