how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
