Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
