Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
