Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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