It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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