i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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