how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
