Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
