Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
