batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
