I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
