good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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