Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
