no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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