Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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