if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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