What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize