she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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