I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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