Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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