Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
