It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
