I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
