3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
