after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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