"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
