Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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