between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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