Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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