In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
