I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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