I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im holly from the hills drunk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
