I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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