Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
