and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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