I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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