His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
