he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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