sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
