Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
