Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
