Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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