I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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