you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
