11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
