Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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