And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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